Wonder

As I write this, sitting next to me is a picture of my youngest brother Christopher. A week a go today was his last day on earth.  I keep waiting for these feelings of numbness people keep telling me about. I would love to be numb. Instead I feel this over whelming sadness that I can't describe. 

I wonder if it will ever go away......

I wonder if my Mom will ever be the same.

I wonder if I will ever get his service planned.

I wonder if it will be a good service, one he would like.

I wonder if he knew how much I really did love him.

I wonder if he ever knew how much he was loved.

I wonder if he is happy.

I wonder if I will ever stop wondering......